Our Engagement Story

I've been wanting to sit down and write out our engagement story for a while now, and I should probably start with some of the background details. Alex and I have been doing the long distance thing since January when Alex moved to New Mexico, and I stayed in Florida to finish out my school year. I wouldn't trade these months apart for anything because they have strengthened our relationship in ways that I couldn't have imagined beforehand. We started talking more seriously about the future and started reading through a book called So, you want to get married? by Rick Thomas. We were having lots of conversations geared toward marriage and Alex really grew in his role as the leader of our relationship during this time. I knew that marriage was in our future, but I had no idea when or how he was actually going to ask!

On April 14, 2017, my best friend, Janice, was in town for one of our girls' weekends. Over the years, we have taken turns traveling to see each other. and it happened to be her turn to come visit me. This time was extra special though because this was the first time that she was able to bring her daughter, Charlotte, to join us for one of our girls' weekends. Janice and I have been best friends since sixth grade, and she has been such a constant in my life. I remembering us having a sleepover one night in high school when we first started dreaming about what it would be like to let God write our love stories one day. Since then we've been able to celebrate her marrying the love of her life, and more recently her becoming a momma. She has been there to encourage me in every season, and I had always secretly hoped that somehow Alex would involve her in the details whenever he proposed.

During the time that Janice was here, Alex was supposedly somewhere in southwest Texas on a land navigation field training trip. He told me that I probably wouldn't be hearing from him much while he was gone. Although I thought his trip was planned a little at the last minute, he went on field training trips like that all the time while we were dating, so I convinced myself that I was overthinking.

To make his field training trip sound even more convincing, Alex texted me at midnight to let me know he was going out on a night mission. Prior to this text, I had told Janice how strange I thought it was that they would have a training trip on Easter weekend. But, then I got these texts and I thought that there would be no way that he would be up so late texting me to check in if he wasn't really in Texas! 

Fast forward to Friday night, and Janice and I had plans to go over to my aunt and uncle's place for dinner. My aunt and uncle live right on the Bay in Fort Walton Beach, and their condo is pretty special place to me. Not only are they like a second mom and dad to me, but their place is where I first met Alex last May at a dinner party. It's so special to me that Alex had them in on the surprise, and proposed at the same place that we first met. 

Anyway, when we pulled up, my uncle met us down at the car and suggested that we go out on the dock to see Landon and Johnson who were fishing. We walked out there and made the different introductions and were making small talk. I saw someone with a hood on behind the gate, and I also remember noticing that there were white string lights on part of dock, and how it was kind of weird for those to be out still in April. Then all of a sudden, those white lights were being flipped on and the guy with the hood came walking through the gate, and it was Alex! I was in complete shock that he was there. He didn't waste any time, and dropped down on one knee and said, "Samantha Grey, will you marry me?" I was so surprised that I said "Yes!" three times. I didn't even look at my ring right away because in typical Samantha fashion, I started asking lots of questions. I was in awe that Janice and my roomies all knew about the proposal, and had kept it a secret. 

After I started to calm down, Alex pointed out my parents up in the condo balcony and showed me how he had his best friends from California watching on the Facebook Messenger video app. He had planned it all so we could celebrate with some of our family and closest friends right after it happened. I found out that the he formally asked my parents for permission to marry me back on February 1st, and that he had most of his family and friends  in on the surprise since January. His proposal far exceeded any expectations I could have ever had! 

I still stare at my hand sometimes in amazement for what this ring symbolizes!

There is also a video of the proposal here that makes me slightly embarrassed because of how distracted I was by everything until I started to calm down. But, I think it perfectly captures the joy and surprise of that moment! Gosh, I love this man and feel so privileged that I'm 62 days away from being able to call him my husband.

Our Story #BenkoOrBust

Quite a few things have changed since I last wrote and shared anything on this small space of the internet almost three years ago. This biggest change of all has without a doubt been the introduction of this blonde hair, blue eyed California guy into my life! Throughout college, I wrote a lot about my season of singleness and waiting, but since then the Lord has started to script a new story. I was hesitant to share and even write in my own journal about it for a while. I have been hurt and disappointed in the past, and I guess there was a small piece of me that didn't want to write about this story yet for fear of being hurt again. I want to make sure that I write about our story and share how the Lord has had His hand all over it. If someone would have told me a year ago that a year later I would be getting ready to move to New Mexico, buying/renovating a house, planning a wedding for this summer, and preparing for marriage with the man I love most...I wouldn't have believed her. BUT GOD. The only way I can think to explain it is with Isaiah 43:19..."Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it. I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." 

Before I get to the night that we met, I want to make sure to include some of the background details. Alex grew up the youngest in his family of four kids in Santa Cruz, California. He spent time surfing, ski boarding, playing sports, getting involved with Boy Scouts and becoming an Eagle Scout. He worked odd jobs such as manning the local Christmas tree lot every year, and was even voted Homecoming King. He never loved the academic side of school, and after deciding that community college wasn't for him either, he joined the Air Force. The particular job that he chose to go into in would take him over two years to complete the pipeline. Over those two years, he spent time training in several different states, and settled in Florida for the last and longest portion of his training. 

While Alex was in California, I was over 2,000 miles away growing up as an only child in Tallahassee, Florida. I spent countless days swimming in our pool, riding bikes around my neighborhood, and having sleepovers with friends. I enjoyed school and academics came pretty easily to me. I never went to prom and only went to two Homecoming dances. After graduating high school, I decided to move to a small town in Tennessee to attend college where I didn't know a single person prior to moving into my dorm. Those four years shaped me and stirred my passion for teaching more than I imagined. I learned that I could move to new places, and build a life there. So much so that once I graduated I decided to move back to Florida, but to a completely different area from where I grew up. I got a job teaching third grade in the small town of Crestview, Florida, and the Lord used that year in mighty ways. No one can really prepare you for what first year teaching is like! The Lord taught me about being faithful in the small things and pressing into Him in new ways. 

At the end of my first year teaching, my aunt and uncle invited me over to have dinner at their house on a Friday night. This was a normal thing for us as I usually had dinner with them at least once or twice a month. However, this time was slightly different as they had also invited two young men from their church over for dinner. I had heard my aunt talk about the group of church guys in the Air Force over the year, but didn't think too much about it with the busyness of first year teaching. So that night I walked into their place wearing my blue floral dress and the first thing I saw was Alex sitting at the head of the table in his khaki pants, blue long sleeve t-shirt, and all black converse. I remember thinking to myself "oh my gosh! He's handsome. And so blonde!" We were introduced and managed to carry on a conversation across the table all throughout dinner. Once we finished eating, we ended up talking more out on the balcony of their condo. We realized that we were overlooking the pool when we could have been facing the Bay the entire time we talked. When we walked out together we made small talk about the weekend and our church plans, and he eventually managed to get my number with the help of his friend, Landon. I watched him ride off on his moped that night wondering what in the world I was possibly getting into. 

It turned out to be one of the sweetest summers of my life. I thought that I would get lonely and restless while being out of school, but the Lord brought so much newness into my life. Two days after meeting Alex we made plans to meet up at the beach with two of his friends. One week later I asked him if he wanted to join me and two of my friends at the beach to celebrate the end of the school year. My friends left early, and the two of us stayed for several more hours talking before he asked if I wanted to get dinner on the beach at Rockin' Tacos. Two weeks later we met for dinner at Mary's Kitchen and shared the best blueberry cheesecake ever for dessert. That night we continued to talk and danced in the parking lot by my car, and while I danced standing on his feet he leaned in to kiss me for the first time.

Throughout the summer, my respect and affection for this man grew. We had the best time together and hours would go by without us realizing it. We went shooting at the gun range. Went to the beach. Got my first tattoo (!!!) together. Played Goofy Golf and made wagers over it. Bought our favorite candy at Dollar Tree and ate it by the Bay. Set up our own photo booth. Showed him my classroom. Started going to church together. I remember driving to a 4th of July party, and him initiating the conversation about our relationship. He said, "Just so we're on the same page, I will be introducing you as my girlfriend." My heart sang!l

My second school year started, and what started as a summer crush was continuing to develop deeper roots. He asked about meeting my parents for the first time, and my dad even mentioned that he "wasn't the normal father-in-law" that night and Alex stuck around. We went on night walks at the beach. Made dinner together often. We went rock climbing and found new spots to hammock. I baked him blueberry muffins and cheesecake. We went to church together and really started to make our faith the foundation. He helped me with school work on Sundays.

In September, we had two huge conversations in the development of our relationship. On September 10th, we were driving back from playing Goofy Golf and we were playing the word association game that we liked to do a lot. We would say a word and then the other person would have to say the first word that came to mind (i.e. "Thanksgiving" -- "Turkey", "Beach" -- "Sunscreen"). It was my turn to give him words, and halfway through I said,"Sammy" and he looked over at me, and said "I love you." I remember just staring at me him because I was so surprised before I told him that I loved him too. A week later, we had another huge conversation about where our relationship was going. What I haven't mentioned much about yet is that Alex is in the Air Force, and about a month after we started dating he found out that he would be moving to New Mexico once he finished training in Florida. We didn't talk about it in depth at the time because he was going to be in Florida for seven more months before moving, and we figured we would address it once our relationship was more serious.

Well, on September 17th, we were talking about the seriousness of our relationship and Alex asked me if I would be willing to move to New Mexico in the future. When I shook my head yes, he said, "well, that's exciting to know."

During those fall months, we also learned more about how the military impacts relationships, and spent a lot of time apart. Alex would have field weeks where he would be gone from Monday until Friday, and wasn't allowed to bring his phone, so we didn't have any sort of communication. I especially loved the weekends during that time. 

December was a whirlwind month for us! Alex's best friend got married and he was the best man. I got to fly home with him to California and meet all of his friends and family for the first time. It was the sweetest getting to see where he grew up and getting to meet all of the people who loved him. One week later, his family flew to Florida for his graduation. Then we started the road trip of a lifetime together! We loaded up a Penske truck with all of his things, and we drove from Florida to New Mexico to get him moved into his new apartment. We left New Mexico and drove up to Colorado to hike Pike's Peak. We drove through Colorado, Utah, Arizona, and Nevada before making it to Santa Cruz, California on Christmas Eve. We spent Christmas with his family, and went to Yosemite before New Years with a big group of friends.

On January 3rd, we started the long distance portion of our relationship as I flew back to Florida to finish my school year, and he moved to New Mexico. I wouldn't trade these months apart for anything because they have strengthened our relationship in ways that I couldn't have imagined beforehand. We have learned more about communicating well, making Christ our foundation, appreciating the time we do get together, etc. During this time, we started talking about preparing for marriage and buying a home together. Alex really grew in his role as the leader of our relationship and made me feel so valued by the way that he was preparing for our future.

In a span of five months, we've been able to see each other in person twice. I flew to New Mexico to spend my spring break with him, and I never want to forget what it was like seeing him in person for the first time in two and a half months. I never really got butterflies when we first started dating, but I had them like crazy that day when I was waiting for him to meet me in baggage claim. When he walked up to me and pulled me in close for a hug and kissed me on the forehead, I felt like I was dreaming. I'm pretty sure I didn't stop smiling that entire first night we were back together.

Not only did that week provide the best quality time, it turned out to be extremely productive for us as well! By God's grace, I was offered a teaching position for next school year AND we found a house that we both loved, and put an offer in on it. I flew back to Florida with a renewed sense of excitement for the future, and a determination to finish out the second half of our long distance season.

When I said "see you later" to Alex at the airport, I didn't think that I was going to see him in person again until mid June. That assumption turned out to be entirely wrong because one month later on April 14, 2017, Alex surprised me by showing up in Florida at the same place we met to propose! He formerly asked my parents for permission on February 1st, and had his family and friends in on the secret since January. It's the sweetest story, and I can't wait to write out the details.

One of the verses I've always landed back on since I first started praying for my future husband in high school is Psalm 127:1 where it says, "Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." I've seen this verse come to life in the development of our relationship. When Alex joined the military he didn't think that he would meet anybody during that time. He thought that he was committing to singleness for the six years to avoid "dragging" somebody else into the military lifestyle. I never thought that I would end up growing in love with a man that has to leave a lot. BUT GOD. His hand has so clearly built every part of our relationship, and we are humbled and grateful that we get to learn more about this gift of marriage together.  

Singleness & Struggles

I want to honest and maybe even a little bit vulnerable with you all about last weekend when I watched one of my best friends marry her best friend. That weekend contained so much joy I thought my heart might burst at one point. It was the sweetest thing to see their love for each other. I remember imagining with Janice that God would write our love stories one day when we were in high school. We sat on the floor of her room and surrendered our love stories to Him. We had no idea then the incredible man she would soon meet! Getting to see God orchestrate every detail of their love story has reminded me over and over again of His faithfulness. And His ways are SO much better and SO much higher.

But after I left the reception that Saturday night, I sat alone in my car and cried. Yes, you read that right. After so much joy, I sat there and cried big puppy dog tears. I had just watched Janice and her husband leave for their honeymoon and all I could think about was “when will it be my turn, Lord?” My heart and mind were racing as the tears fell. A few of my other thoughts were similar to these…

“Lord, this waiting is h-a-r-d!”

“Will a man ever look at me like Stuart looks at Janice?”

“Janice is now married and I’ve never even been asked out on a date!”

“Lord, I truly and deeply know that Your plans are the best…help me to cling to that truth right now.”

“Why can’t I just meet him already??”

“I saw Stuart lean over and tell Janice she was beautiful more than once…will a man ever lean over and tell me that?”

I pulled out of the parking lot wiping away the tears and finally said out loud, “I trust You, Lord.”  With everything that is within me, I know that it is worth the wait. I know that this is truth, but the waiting is still hard.

As I was driving I was reminded of this song and immediately pulled it up. I turned it up loud and sang to the ultimate Lover of my soul. The more I sang my gaze was turned back toward Him.

I found this poem a few days ago and was greatly encouraged by it. I’m not sure who wrote it so if you know please let me know so I can give credit where credit is due. May you be encouraged as well…

I cry Lord, am I loved? I feel so alone…

no lover to hold me, to call me his own.

I long to be romanced and helped through my pain.

Where is my sweet family I long to obtain?

You know the desires and aches of my heart,

yet You seem to dismiss them and set me apart.

On days when the burden seems too much to bear,

what a comfort it would be to have a husband there.

Surely if You cherished me the way that you say,

You would provide me my lover, You’d send him my way…

You say precious child, you I’ve loved your whole life.

Why are you idolizing the role of a wife?

I know the desires of your struggling heart,

for I’ve planned them beautifully; they’re not intended to tear us apart.

I am more than you need, the perfect lover of your soul.

I will romance you far greater than a man’s loving hold.

I care about your heart, every tear that you shed.

Rest in me baby girl; you have nothing to dread.

I have plans for your life, far greater than you can hope for or imagine,

quit selling yourself short in your fear of abandon.

I cry Abba, am I enough? Am I beautiful? Am I strong?

Am I successful? Am I wanted?…am I doing everything wrong?

Every place that I look shouts that women must be more.

Must be promiscuous, must be powerful, must be glamorous, must be adored.

I long to be the woman that your Word tells me to be,

a patient servant, who is loving, who is selfless, who is sweet.

Yet the lies of this world seem to fire into my brain;

I do fight to serve you Father, but fall short again and again.

Will I ever measure up? I’m so selfish, I’m so scarred,

Lord I plead with you to help me, come and heal my struggling heart.

You say daughter, you are lovely, In my image were you formed.

Don’t entertain the lies you hear and quit struggling to conform.

I don’t see you for your faults or mistakes that plague your mind,

Through my grace, you’ve been made perfect, all your sin is left behind,

Through my power you are stronger than you hardly even know

I will use you for my glory, just be willing to surrender and go.

You are valued, you’re adored, I have good things planned for you,

Just keep your eyes on me, and I will pull you through.

I wanted to share with you a glimpse into my heart and I how struggle with singleness sometimes. I don’t want you to think that I never have struggles and exude happiness all the time. This season is hard and challenging, but there is so much more good in it. This time is valuable and not to be wasted. I know that the waiting is not in vain and will be OH SO WORTH IT. Someday I’ll look back at this and smile; I’ll want to whisper to my former self “if you could only know what lies ahead.”

Waiting in the “not yet”…

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“Each God-written love story is unique, but it must follow one very specific guideline: prove that God is worthy of trust! You can trust Him to lead the right man to pursue you, at the right time, and in the most God-honoring fashion. You must remain patient, waiting upon God to provide, and believe me, waiting upon God to provide and believing He will is its own most glorious reward of deepest joy.” Ben Zornes

I don’t have many words today so I thought I would share with you a quote that has been on my heart lately. I don’t know about you, but the truth of these words fires me up and reignites my soul to wait on God. One of my deepest desires is for a God-written love story and sometimes this time of waiting becomes hard (really hard). I start to lose patience and wonder what the purpose of waiting is. It is then that I’m reminded that God’s way is always the best and always worth the wait. So today I’m rejoicing in this time of the “not yet” because I know that my Father is trustworthy and He walks with me in the waiting (and all the days afterward).

Warrior-Poet

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As I was sorting through various documents I have on my computer, I stumbled upon a powerful quote I saved a while back. It came from an article in the Set Apart Girl Online Magazine…although I’m not sure which issue. In the article, godly men with hearts after the Lord shared their advice about waiting for God to script your love story. Here is one that stood out to me:

“Do not focus on the warrior-poet, but rather THE Warrior-Poet (Jesus). Make Him the big deal of your life. Get away from the nonsense of looking for the “right guy” and lose yourself in Jesus. It is when you are completely obsessed, lost in, consumed with Him, that He will orchestrate, in His perfect timing, an encounter with a true warrior poet. I know we warrior-poets are seen as a rare treasure, but so is a true Christ-built woman of God. I am not interested in a “religious” girl, not even one who is radical – I want a woman of God who is grounded in the Word, who delights in Jesus alone, who cares not what the world thinks, dresses and behaves with the highest standard of modesty, dignity, and honor. It is far more appealing, enchanting, and romantic to find a Godly woman who is lost in Jesus than one who is worried about finding the right guy to marry. But remember, our precious Jesus IS faithful, good, and overflowing with love. Trust Him.” –Anonymous warrior-poet

The truth of his words makes my heart pound now just as much as when I first read them. They stuck a chord within me and made me wonder about my life. Does it reflect that of the woman he described? Is Jesus my deepest joy and delight? Am I wholly grounded in the Word? Etc.

In so many of these areas I fall short, but I rest in the fact that I'm able to start fresh each day. Each morning I'm able to give the Lord my heart and pursue Him again.

However, as a young woman, I also wonder about when "my guy" will enter my life. I wonder about when and where it will be. I dream about those details. Sometimes I just wish he would come into my life out of thin air, but where is the worth and excitement in that. In my heart I know that God is using this time to prepare us as individuals. I can feel that the Lord is preparing my heart for him to be brought into my life whenever that time may be (hopefully sooner than later).

But, I have no desire to search for a man because I know that God is more than capable of bringing one into my life. My future husband will be a great blessing to my life, but he will not complete me. My identity is only found in Christ and I want to be wrapped up in Him. When the Lord does begin to script my love story, I'll look back on this time with thankfulness. I'll be glad I spent this time building a foundation of finding my deepest joy in my First Love.

Ablaze

I have loved following along with Annie, Nicole, Erin, and Annie this week to learn more about how they have pursued Christ is the midst of singleness, dating, breaking up, and marriage. We are to purposefully pursue Christ no matter what are current relationship status might be. In our hearts we know this is true, but we can easily become distracted. The distractions can vary depending on what season we are in. When we’re single, we wonder when we will meet the godly man we’ve been faithfully praying for. When we’re dating, we can be caught up in our growing romance. When we’re married, our focus changes as we start to live life with this man we promised forever to.

I’m in a season of singleness and I’m going to attempt to share how I pursue Christ in the midst of being single…

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It would be nice if he was already in my life. If I knew the name of the man who I will one day give my heart to. To know the sound of his voice and the way my hand feels securely in his. I go to school at a small Christian university where it seems like half the students are in a relationship. There is always news of a new couple or an engagement. The professors joke about the girls on campus getting a "ring by spring" and that the new chapel was built to promote all the student weddings. I can easily be consumed with longing to be in a relationship that I take my gaze off of Christ.  Part of me longs for the day that I meet him, but the other part is so thankful for this time before he enters my life. There is tremendous beauty and opportunity in this season of singleness.  My attention isn't split and I can diligently pursue Christ without a divided heart. Of course I still have struggles, but I'll face challenges no matter what my relationship status might be. The struggles will just manifest differently.

Here is what I've found helpful in pursuing Christ during this time:

1. Have a focused quiet time every day. I like to have my quiet times in the morning right after I wake up. I don't turn on my computer until I've spent time with the Lord to avoid distractions such as Facebook, Blogger, email, etc. I commit my time to the Lord first.

2. Celebrate with your friends that are in relationships. It's so easy to let bitterness creep in as your friends enter relationships while you remain single. To overcome that I focus on celebrating with them as they grow in their relationships the way that I would want them to celebrate with me one day. I rejoice in the love story that God is scripting for them. By rejecting bitterness, I'm able to keep my gaze on Christ.

3. Approach this season one day at a time. Mosy likely, God has not called you to be single forever and He has a beautiful love story scripted uniquely for you. Leslie Ludy told the story of her sister-in-law's season of singleness in one her books. One day, her sister-in-law, Krissy, was asked whether she thought she was called to singleness, and Krissy responded by saying, "today I am." That comment has stuck with me and I've embraced it as my outlook. I know that God has given me all that I need to live out today.

4. Realize that you have a love story with your heavenly Prince. Even the most beautiful earthly love stories are mere glimpses of the heavenly love story we can have with Him. He is not a stoic or distant God, but a God who pursues and woos His bride. In Sacred Singleness, a young woman shared her realization  of this truth..."Suddenly, with overwhelming clarity, I realized how God felt about me - how much He loved me and longed for me to truly be in love with Him. And instead of dreaming of the marriage vows I hoped to someday share with an earthly prince, the passion of my life began to focus more and more around the vows I should be saying and living daily with my heavenly Prince."

I truly hope this encourages you to pursue Christ in the midst of this season!

If you missed this series, catch up now:
Annie @ What She Saw: on singleness
Nicole @ Bloom: on dating
Erin @ Sweetness Itself: on breaking up/post relational singleness
Annie @ Turning Pages: on marriage

Committed to Waiting

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"Girls waiting for special someone: Don't settle...be committed to wait for the guy who takes your hand and leads you closer to Jesus!" -Debbie Lindell

I'm learning to embrace this season of singleness and view it as a gift. Never again will I have this time and I want to look back one day and know that I didn't waste it. It's foolish to put your life on hold until you meet that special someone. I have seen the unsurpassed beauty of love stories when the couple has let God orchestrate. They're intimate, unique, and marked by a heavenly beauty. I desire a love story like that and I'm committed to waiting for God to write it. But, I'm also committed to living fully and radiantly in the time before that happens.