Creator, not Duplicator & Comparing Stories

Catching the sunset at Jacksonville beach over the weekend. I love watercolor sunsets.

I’m sitting in a corner at Panera in Jacksonville, Florida as I write this. It’s spring break and I came down to see my best friend, Janice, and her hubby. Janice is in class for a few hours so I snuck away with intentions of writing a little and exploring Jacksonville on my own. I’m having the sweetest time adventuring and simply getting to hang out. We go exploring. We bake cookies and dance in the kitchen. We go for beach walks. We talk about anything and everything. We have genuine conversation and I love it. I never imagined when we met in gym class in sixth grade that we would still be building our friendship ten years later. I’ve seen her romance with Stuart, her hubby, grow deep roots. I’ve see how excited she gets when we talk about kids and the future. I could go on and on.

I really want to share my heart and what I’m learning from the Lord right now. Being here has been such a fresh reminder that the Lord is faithful and that Janice’s story is not my story. I love seeing the way that Stuart looks at Jan. I have never seen her as happy as she is when they are together. They laugh and kiss and hold hands in the car. They know each other fully and love each other completely. They are best friends. But above all their marriage is rooted in Christ.

I remember when Janice and I first read When God Writes Your Love Story in tenth grade. We sat on her bedroom floor talking and dreaming. We started to realize just how much the Lord cared about this area of our lives. God isn’t stoic, distant, or detached…He is anything but! We started to realize that the Lord is in the details of all things. He has better stories for us than we could imagine ourselves. We started to dream about the men who would one day become our husbands. We didn’t have to settle. We also started to realize just how intimate our relationships with Jesus could be. The Lord used When God Writes Your Love Story to reveal just how much more He pursues me in a fresh way. Although I had believed in Jesus before that, I hadn’t really thought about how close and real He was. I could and do have a vibrant and life-giving relationship with the Creator of all things.

That revolutionized the way I approached spending time with Jesus. My identity is deeply rooted in Christ. I am a sinner in desperate need of the grace that He covers me in. I am messy and broken, but yet He still pursues me. This continues to draw me to want to know Him more. This year especially I’ve pressed into Jesus in a fresh way. I’ve been genuinely thankful for this season of singleness. My heart hasn’t been distracted and I’ve been given this time to be reminded over and over again that my roots need to be deep in Him. I’ll never be prepared for a future relationship with my man if I’m unaware that my security and significance can only come from being in Christ.

But then I came down to see Janice and Stuart and if I’m being honest I got a little jealous of what they have. I started to wonder when will I meet my man. When will I have someone to grab my hand as we’re walking down the sidewalk. When will I have someone pursue me with intention and honor all the days before and after marriage. When will I get to do everyday life with my best friend. I know that marriage is tough and challenging in a way that I can’t picture now, but I know that it is sacred and beautiful.

It may sound crazy, but I got jealous that I don’t have what Janice has yet. I’ve flashed back to dreaming in tenth grade of the stories that the Lord would orchestrate one day. Now I’ve seen each stage of Janice and Stuart’s relationship grow and develop. I have seen just how faithful the Lord has been with every aspect of their relationship from friendship to dating to engagement and now in marriage.

Sometimes singleness is just plain hard. Especially when I start to compare my story to others and take my eyes off of Jesus. Then I read a quote by Francis Chan that convicted me in the best way possible.

“Be careful not to turn others’ lives into the mold for our own…We have a God who is a Creator, NOT a duplicator.”

Y’all I needed to read that. My story is not Janice’s story and that is a good thing. My story is uniquely my own. The Lord is far too creative to script duplicate stories for anybody. And my goodness I am thankful for that! The Lord is Creator and He is faithful in all of the details. Janice’s story is uniquely scripted just for her by the Lord who loves and pursues her passionately. My story is uniquely scripted for me by the Lord who loves and pursues me passionately.

In Isaiah 43:19, the Lord says “Behold, I am doing a new thing!'” He doesn’t say that He is recycling something old, but that He is doing a NEW thing. That means we each have our own stories tailored just for us by the Lord of infinite creativity!

I am so thankful for how patient Jesus is with me. He is always growing me in the midst of my story. He is faithful. He is close and intimate. I’m beyond excited to meet my man some day soon and see how the Lord scripts every detail; he will be one of my biggest blessings and our marriage one of my greatest joys. BUT the Lord is reminding me that the absolute greatest part of my story is my relationship with Christ. He is the foundation of my story.

My heart pretty much just spilled out on the page as I sit here in Panera watching people come and go. May it remind you that the Lord is Creator and not a duplicator. Happy Monday, sweet friends!

Hi again…I’m back.

Hi…I feel like I should reintroduce myself. I’m Samantha and I used to keep up with this small space on the internet. Then my junior year started and I haven’t blogged since the first week of classes. Woops. I had many times where I could sit down and blog, but my heart just wasn’t in it so I chose to take an extended break. There have been some really sweet moments over the past few months that have gone undocumented. I haven’t shared pieces of my heart or life. But I’m okay with that.

With all of that being said, I’ve really missed blogging. There is something special about being able to look back through old posts full of adventures and lessons learned. One of the things I love most about reading blogs are the genuine glimpses into the hearts of other young women and getting to connect with y’all. So I’m ready to jump back into blogging.

Instead of sharing all that has happened since I last blogged, I’m going to start fresh with what the Lord has been teaching me. One thing is for certain…I am constantly learning and growing. Thank goodness the Lord gives grace upon grace because I need it. Sometimes I run away from the Lord’s pursuit. Or I become numb to the grandness that Jesus desires intimacy with me. I’m messy and broken. My actions and words often do not reflect Christ. But still He gives grace and mercy.

As the new year starts, the Lord keeps pressing into me that seasons of waiting are not without purpose. I’m about to start the second half of my junior year and as much as I love college, I dream about the future A LOT. I’m getting closer and closer to my dream of being a teacher, but I don’t have my own classroom yet. It may sound silly to dream about finally having my own classroom, but this is one of my passions. I have so so many ideas and I’m ready to have a classroom full of kids to pour into. Although I’m closer to that becoming a reality than ever before, I’m not quite there.

I dream about moving to a new city on my own as a first-year teacher. I could share with you the crazy mix of emotions I have over that dream, but that’s an entirely different blog post.

Most of all, I dream about when I’ll meet my future husband. Is it crazy to miss someone you haven’t even met yet? Y’all this is one of the hardest things for me to wait for. My best friend is married to an incredible man that so sweetly pursues her which makes me so happy her. But it makes me wonder when I’ll get to experience that. I know marriage is far from easy, but it doesn’t get any better than growing in love with your best friend and I get really excited for that. Then it seems like there’s an endless amount of dating or engaged couples on my campus. Whenever I come home, people will ask if there’s a young man and seem surprised when I say no. I know people only have kind intentions when asking, but if I’m not careful I can let those expectations get to me. I can start to idolize marriage and question why I haven’t met my man yet.

Through these ambitions, the Lord keeps teaching me that there is SO much purpose in this waiting. When I’m inclined to think that I know best, I’m drawn back to Isaiah 55:8…”’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.” I may see this as a time of waiting, but the Lord is constantly refining me. I’m growing and learning right now. I’m being reminded over and over that my biggest need is for Jesus. Not a future classroom or husband. Those are both huge blessings, but my real need is a relationship with Christ. And I’m learning that to fully embrace “wherever you are, be all there” (Jim Elliot), I must rejoice in the waiting. I don’t want to miss what the Lord has to teach me TODAY because I’m too busy asking “why, how, when??”

As much as I may think that my plans are best, they’re not. My perspective is limited and I only see what’s right in front of me. My plans are flawed. Thankfully God works in His own timing, and has a plan much higher than my own. Praise Him for that. I’m learning to continually surrender my desires and ambitions to His timing and plan. He is at work in the waiting and I don’t want to miss all that He has in the here and now.

…..

{Holding on to this truth.}

Good morning, sweet girls! Even though I haven’t been around much in the blogging world lately, I want to share a little of my heart with you this morning. I want to be honest and vulnerable by sharing how I’ve been struggling lately. The last few days it’s been a battle to choose joy. Instead of speaking life, I’ve been speaking death. I’ve let discouragement creep in and turn my gaze away from Christ. Do you remember when I wrote about singleness & struggles at the beginning of the year? Well, in a way I’ve let that struggle return.

Yesterday evening I went out to run with the intention of pounding this discouragement into the ground. With my earphones in and the music turned up I took off running…30 minutes later I found a spot on the side of the river to cool down. I pulled my earphones out and just started to pray. There weren’t many people around and I sat there telling God my heart (although He already knew). There was no hiding that I was sad; that I had given into doubt and anxiousness. I wish I could say that I came home with a totally renewed heart, but I was still holding on to the discouragement. I pulled out my journal when I got home and flipped back to an entry written earlier this year that stopped me immediately. I wanted to share that with you:

Monday, February 4, 2013

Talking about Abraham: “His son by the slave woman was born in the ordinary way; but his son by the free woman was born as the result of a promise.” –Galatian 4:23

“And You fulfill Your promises. When Abraham took issues into his own hands it all became skewed because of manipulation. Ishmael was born in an ordinary way and then division followed. BUT when Sarah and Abraham finally conceived it was the result of a promise. It was Your plan all along. You see the entire narrative and we only see how we are struggling and feeling inadequate in this moment. We only see the circumstances in the “right now,” but You see and know it all. When we see the impossibility of a promise “forgotten,” You see the fulfillment and value in the waiting season. Help me to cling to the promise instead of settling for the ordinary.”

I don’t have many more words to say other than I’m on a constant journey of learning to surrender. I only see what’s in front of me, but He sees the entire story. When doors are shut now it’s because He knows that there’s a far better door ahead that WILL be opened at just the right time. That’s something I’m daily learning.

Practicalities and Promises

Last night a thunderstorm swept through my area. As evening closed in the rain steadily started to pour. The lightening lit up the sky and the thunder seemed to shake the earth. I grabbed a throw blanket and went out to sit in one of the rocking chairs on the front porch to listen to the rain. It was dark (well, in between lightening strikes) and chilly.

As I sat there, my mind started to race with anxiousness. I go back to school in two weeks and I need a job. I've started to fill out applications and I’ve let my worries trample my faith. It’s difficult enough finding a job in this economy, let alone in a college town. I’ve spent too much time this week worrying about if I’ll be able to land a job. I realize how trivial this is compared to what other people are facing and I’m so thankful that I don’t have a husband or children dependent on me. I have very supportive parents, but the fact is I need a job and this waiting period is hard.

I decided to spend time in the Word and I opened up to the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead (John 11:38-44).

“Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. “Take away the stone,” he said. “But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is bad odor, for he has been there four days.” Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”

Jesus commanded that the stone covering the tomb entrance be removed…Jesus had no doubt that He would raise Lazarus from the dead. What stuck out to me was Martha’s response to the Lord. Instead of doing what He said, she rambled on about how rotten the tomb must smell. After all, Lazarus had been dead for four days already! Her response seemed logical, but she had forgotten what the Lord had promised. I was struck with this thought:

I diminish God’s promises when I become consumed with practicalities…believe in faith.

I’ve been doubting His promises by focusing on logistics! Some of my thoughts this week have been similar to these…”I won’t get hired anywhere.” “Why would they hire a young college girl without any experience?” “I won’t find a job that I enjoy.” “There are so many others seeking a job and I won’t stand out.”

Instead of trusting that God will provide, I’ve allowed practicalities to fill my mind with doubts. I don’t want to diminish His promises, so I’m changing my attitude from here on out. I refuse to let these toxic thoughts consume me!

I'm not sure what you're facing today, but I want to encourage you to have faith in His promises. Don't let the practicalities of how it will work out cloud your mind.