Engagement & Expectations

The Lord has done so much during our engagement season so far, and I don't want to miss what He is teaching me or forget the small details of how He has worked in my heart. I wrote about how I will be moving to New Mexico next month to join Alex when I first wrote about our story. He has been there since January while I have been in Florida finishing my second school year. We are just about three weeks away from kissing this whole long distance thing goodbye for a while! We will continue to live separately even once I'm in New Mexico until we are married on July 29th, so I'm excitedly counting down the days (70 days!) until we can officially start experiencing everyday life together as husband and wife.

One of the biggest things that the Lord has been teaching me is that our marriage is a total gift, BUT I can't be holding onto my expectations for it so tightly that I miss how He wants to work. When I'm relying on my expectations to bring me joy, I'm always going to be disappointed and let down. Alex called me a couple of weeks ago after I got home from school, and started the conversation off by saying, "so I have some news that I want to share with you...I got a spot to go to SOTAC school, and I'll leave mid August."

My first reaction was total surprise because this was a different team than what he was supposed to be assigned to. My second reaction was disappointment because thinking about my new husband leaving was less than desirable. I'm not proud of my initial reactions, but I want to be honest with how I felt and share my thoughts.

"Lord, this isn't fair! Other new wives get to keep their husbands home with them."
"But, why does he have to go then?? I never imagined my husband of  two weeks having to leave."
"I know being separated is part of the military, but the timing of this just sucks."

Writing some of those thoughts out makes me want to cringe for how limited my perspective was. Instead of celebrating an incredible opportunity for Alex, I let my disappointment of unmet expectations take over. I was really struggling with thinking about already being a part so much this year, and then having him leave our home once we're finally able to start our lives together. It may not seem like a big deal to more seasoned military wives, but the thought just made me ache.

Alex was very gracious with me as I worked through my emotions, and the Lord is using this to teach me about laying my expectations at His feet. Outside of my salvation, Alex is the best gift I’ve been given, and yes, our soon to be marriage is a total gift too. However, Alex and our marriage ultimately belong to the Lord. Our marriage is meant to glorify God and it’s an opportunity for us to model God’s grace and redemption to others. It isn’t something that is there to fulfill all of my needs and meet my expectations. If that’s how I enter our marriage, then I am always going to be let down.

God has a purpose for choosing to send him off for training at that particular time. What I initially see as sucky timing, the Lord sees as the BEST timing. It is an opportunity for us to grow our dependence on Him. It is an opportunity for me to learn more about how to be my new husband’s helpmate. It is an opportunity for us strengthen our communication skills and to grow our spiritual intimacy. It is as an opportunity for me to develop relationships with other girls in my new community.

It reminds me of Psalm 84:11, and a quote that I wrote in my journal years back…“I realized that because the Lord God is my provider (the sun) and my protector (a shield) and because He knows best as my Father – if something is good and right for me to have today, He would give it to me. He does not withhold any good thing. And therefore, I can trust Him.”


Even though I will never like being separated from my soon to be husband, I can trust that God’s timing for sending him off is GOOD.

how to pray for your future husband

I keep a journal of letters to my future husband that I’ll give specially to him once we’re married.

I’ve had thoughts of writing this post ever since I read Nicole’s post on how to pray for your boyfriend last year. Even though I’m single, I know there is such value in praying for my man before I even know his name. I had the joy of having one of my best friends here with me last week and I was reminded again how prayers for your future husband are never wasted. You see, she married her best friend and man of her prayers this past January. I know that she would wholeheartedly say that praying for her husband while she was single started to build the foundation for a Christ centered marriage long before they said, “I do.”

As we talked about everything from singleness and dating to marriage and sex, one thing stood out to me: God is faithful. I’ve seen time and time again when you trust God with your love story, it’s always worth the wait. Even though I long to meet my handsome future husband already, I can (and will) purposefully use the time I have now. It says in Proverbs 31:12, “she does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” That means the days before you even meet him! One way I can bring him good now is by praying for him.

Here are the main things I pray for:

1. Pray for his relationship with Christ.

His relationship with Christ is the very foundation and what my other prayers for him rest upon. The Bible warns about being unequally yoked in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” But even more so than him just being a Christian, I pray that he would continually be growing in Christ. I love how Colossians 2:6-7 says, “as you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith…” I pray that he would be a man that seeks Christ daily…that his heart would be to know the Lord more. In the time before we meet (and all the days after), I pray that he will spend time studying the Word, sitting in God’s presence, praying, etc. There’s a huge difference in a man who only knows about the Lord and one who genuinely seeks to know Him intimately. I pray for my future husband to be like the latter.

2. Pray for his character.

Oh I pray that he would have teachable spirit. As it says in Isaiah 64:8, “But now, O Lord, ‘Thou are our Father, We are the clay, and Thou our potter…” A man that recognizes he is on a lifelong journey of growth is a man of character. I pray that he truly would be the man God has called him to be. The way our culture defines “man” is totally different than what scripture teaches. I pray that as a man his masculinity will be modeled after Christ.

3. Pray for his relationships with others.

I primarily focus on his friendships and family, but it’s certainly not limited to those. We were created for relationship and I pray that his would be a source of strength and encouragement. For his friendships with other guys to keep him accountable and point him back to Christ. Like wise, I pray that he would speak truth and be that kind of friend. For his family relationships, I pray that they would be healthy. As he interacts with others, may he be an example of a Christ follower.

4. Pray for him to grow as a servant and as a leader.

One day he will take on the role and responsibility of being the leader. A godly husband is called to be the head of his wife in the same way Christ is the head of the church (Ephesians 5:23). It’s important that he is growing and maturing as a leader before we’re married. I pray that he would be intentional about developing leadership skills in preparation for the role he will take on as husband. I also pray that his heart would be to serve. The leader that God calls a husband to be has a servant’s heart.

Of course my prayers aren’t limited to what I listed above, but I consider those to be the foundation. To my single ladies, how do you pray for your future husband? To my married friends, do you have any advice?

Wedding Weekend

Good morning, girls! As you already know this past weekend I had the privilege of being a bridesmaid in one of my best friend’s wedding. It was a whirlwind of a weekend as I traveled to Tallahassee, Florida (my hometown) last Thursday and turned around to Tennessee on Sunday morning. Although I don’t have high quality photos I wanted to share with you what I do have to give you a glimpse into this crazy wonderful weekend…

Rehearsing…I’m on the far left.

The bride and her father.

Excitement for the rehearsal dinner!

Almost all the girls…missing one of Janice’s sisters.

Part of our bridesmaids’ gifts!

Sleepover! We all slept in one bed. I’m on the far left…

Staring the morning off right! This photo brings back so many memories of breakfasts and dinners in this kitchen during sleepovers growing up…love it.

Hello fresh morning faces and coffee!

While waiting for our turn in the make up chair at the salon…

Getting hair and make up done at the salon.

Minutes before the ceremony…

Right before she changed into THE dress…she was GORGEOUS.

First kiss as Mr. and Mrs. Touchton.

With all the groomsmen. This just makes me smile.

The only photo I have so far of the wedding party taken with someone’s iPhone…I’m the third one from Janice (the bride).

I had the absolute sweetest time getting to stand by Janice as she married her best friend. I adored seeing his massive smile as she walked down the aisle and her father cry as he gave her away. I shed a few tears as they exchanged their vows they had written. I smiled when he tenderly kissed her for the first time as husband and wife. I loved seeing them walk out as Mr. and Mrs. It was just too wonderful!

Then the reception started…it was the best. I cried again when her father gave his toast (he broke down at the very start) and Janice danced with her father and new husband. I had so much fun dancing when the music started to play for everyone to join. I danced with the other bridesmaids as we constantly had to pull up our long dresses for more mobility. It was definitely worth it though! I also got to “swing dance” with one of the groomsmen! We all filled the dance floor until it was time to send Janice and Stuart off on their honeymoon…

I just can’t put into words how much I adored this weekend.

A Sailor and His Lady

There once was a sailor who met a beautiful young lady. He quickly became captivated by her and longed to know her. Their friendship grew deep as roots were planted. He pursued her heart with diligence and valor while she slowly surrendered. She was rather captivated by him too. This sailor made her stomach do summer saults in the best way possible and she made his blood pump faster. So he asked her father for permission to make this beautiful lady his wife. They hiked to the top of a waterfall where much to her surprise he bent down on one knee. The lady said yes.

On January 26, 2013 the two entered into a marriage covenant and began to intertwine their lives to become one. It was the sweetest day to mark the beginning of their adventures as Mr. and Mrs. Touchton…

This weekend I stood by one of my best friends as she married her best friend. I smiled, cried, laughed, and danced my way through it. It was a sweet time. 

Off to Tallahassee I Shall Go!

{8th grade}

Good morning, friends! Do you remember when I wrote about being asked to be a bridesmaid? Well, this Saturday is my dear friend, Janice’s, wedding! I’m traveling to Tallahassee, Florida (my hometown) as soon as my 7:45am class is dismissed.

I have so much excitement and joy for this wedding, but more so for their marriage. Their relationship is centered on Christ and I know He will be their foundation as they enter into this marriage covenant. I can’t wait to see Janice marry her best friend. I can’t wait to see his face as she walks down the aisle. I can’t wait to hear them exchange vows. I can’t wait to hear them announced as Mr. and Mrs.

Ahhh! Godly marriages just get me fired up!

Anyway, I’ll be back next week with details about this extra special weekend!

Focused on Jesus

Ever since I first read Jennifer's post on marriage and ministry a few days ago my thoughts have kept cycling back to this statement of hers…

“I want to finish well. I want to be more in love with my husband after 50 years of marriage than I am now. I never want to sacrifice my relationship with him on the alter of ministry, work or anything else. I don’t want a ministry or child focused marriage, but a Jesus focused marriage.”

As soon as I read her words I stopped to soak them in. A “Jesus focused marriage.” Even though I’m single and am no where near being married, I was struck by her description. Everything within me desires for my marriage one day to be focused on Jesus. I want for my marriage to be rooted deep in Him. I want my marriage to grow with Him at the very core of our relationship. The more I love Christ, the better I’ll be able to love my husband.  Like Jennifer, I want to be more in love with my husband with each year of marriage.

Such a relationship doesn’t come without work. It means guarding my marriage fiercely. It means investing in my husband every single day. It means the only thing he is second to is my relationship with Christ. It means that Jesus is the core of our marriage.

As I thought about how I could use the time now to better prepare for such a marriage, I was challenged with another thought. The best way I can prepare for a Jesus focused marriage is to have a Jesus focused life. It seems obvious, but how often I stray from this. I never want to sacrifice my relationship with Christ for anything else.

In many ways, I must guard my relationship with Him like I will my marriage one day. I can’t allow anything to sway my heart away from Him. Everything in my life flows from my relationship with Christ. He is my focus. Even though my passions flow from Him, I must be careful that I don’t become so caught up in these that I push away intimacy with Christ. My passion for teaching is the example that stands out the most. Although I know teaching is my ministry and will fill a large aspect of my life, I can’t allow this to become more important than abiding in Jesus.

I want to be more in love with Jesus in 50 years than I am now and this also doesn’t come without work. It takes intentionality in building a Jesus focused life. Every day I have a choice to respond to His invitation or not.

“There is no event so common place but that God is present within it, always hidden, always leaving you room to recognize Him or not to recognize Him.” –Frederick Buechner

Today I choose to recognize Him. I choose to see Him in the early morning breeze. I choose to see Him while I walk to my classes. I choose to see Him when a stranger responds to my smile. I choose to see Him in the changing leaves. I choose to see Him while I’m at work. One day at a time I will work on building a Jesus focused life.

20 Years.

{On their honeymoon}

Twenty years ago today my parents committed their lives to each other. In front of friends and family, they vowed to stand by each other and live life together. They vowed to be partners as their lives intertwined in a way that only a husband and wife can.

I’ve heard the story of how they met over and over, but I won’t ever grow tired of hearing it. Their story is simple yet so full of sweetness. They met in January and were married in October…it certainly was a whirlwind romance. My mom had been single for a year when she finally came to a place where she released her grip on her love story and surrendered every aspect to the Lord. She submitted her desires and plans to Him. The very next day she met my dad.

At the time, my mom was teaching first grade and went to school like she had every other day. But, this day would be different. My dad was working for the same school district as an electrician. On this particular day he had a work order at my mom’s school. She was up front teaching when he walked into her classroom. Immediately, he noticed the beautiful teacher with dark eyes and hair. He ended up asking the ladies in the front office about this young teacher that had caught his eye…he found out that she was single.

Before he left school, he made his way back down to her classroom and asked her out on a date. After their first date, they were inseparable. People started to ask when they were going to get married...so they decided that they would! My dad sold his motorcycle at the time to buy an engagement ring. They were married on October 10, 1992 and I was born July 8, 1993 (nine months later…).

The past twenty years have been so full of sweet moments and laughter. I’ve seen my parents work through disagreements. I’ve seen them forgive and then continue to move forward. I’ve seen them as partners in life. I love that I still see the twinkle in my dad’s eyes when he looks at my mom. I’m so thankful I’ve grown up in a home with both of my parents fully present. Never once have I doubted their love for each other or their love for me.

So today as they venture out on a day date, I want to wish them a sweet sweet anniversary. Here’s to twenty years of doing life together!