Hi…I feel like I should reintroduce myself. I’m Samantha and I used to keep up with this small space on the internet. Then my junior year started and I haven’t blogged since the first week of classes. Woops. I had many times where I could sit down and blog, but my heart just wasn’t in it so I chose to take an extended break. There have been some really sweet moments over the past few months that have gone undocumented. I haven’t shared pieces of my heart or life. But I’m okay with that.
With all of that being said, I’ve really missed blogging. There is something special about being able to look back through old posts full of adventures and lessons learned. One of the things I love most about reading blogs are the genuine glimpses into the hearts of other young women and getting to connect with y’all. So I’m ready to jump back into blogging.
Instead of sharing all that has happened since I last blogged, I’m going to start fresh with what the Lord has been teaching me. One thing is for certain…I am constantly learning and growing. Thank goodness the Lord gives grace upon grace because I need it. Sometimes I run away from the Lord’s pursuit. Or I become numb to the grandness that Jesus desires intimacy with me. I’m messy and broken. My actions and words often do not reflect Christ. But still He gives grace and mercy.
As the new year starts, the Lord keeps pressing into me that seasons of waiting are not without purpose. I’m about to start the second half of my junior year and as much as I love college, I dream about the future A LOT. I’m getting closer and closer to my dream of being a teacher, but I don’t have my own classroom yet. It may sound silly to dream about finally having my own classroom, but this is one of my passions. I have so so many ideas and I’m ready to have a classroom full of kids to pour into. Although I’m closer to that becoming a reality than ever before, I’m not quite there.
I dream about moving to a new city on my own as a first-year teacher. I could share with you the crazy mix of emotions I have over that dream, but that’s an entirely different blog post.
Most of all, I dream about when I’ll meet my future husband. Is it crazy to miss someone you haven’t even met yet? Y’all this is one of the hardest things for me to wait for. My best friend is married to an incredible man that so sweetly pursues her which makes me so happy her. But it makes me wonder when I’ll get to experience that. I know marriage is far from easy, but it doesn’t get any better than growing in love with your best friend and I get really excited for that. Then it seems like there’s an endless amount of dating or engaged couples on my campus. Whenever I come home, people will ask if there’s a young man and seem surprised when I say no. I know people only have kind intentions when asking, but if I’m not careful I can let those expectations get to me. I can start to idolize marriage and question why I haven’t met my man yet.
Through these ambitions, the Lord keeps teaching me that there is SO much purpose in this waiting. When I’m inclined to think that I know best, I’m drawn back to Isaiah 55:8…”’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.” I may see this as a time of waiting, but the Lord is constantly refining me. I’m growing and learning right now. I’m being reminded over and over that my biggest need is for Jesus. Not a future classroom or husband. Those are both huge blessings, but my real need is a relationship with Christ. And I’m learning that to fully embrace “wherever you are, be all there” (Jim Elliot), I must rejoice in the waiting. I don’t want to miss what the Lord has to teach me TODAY because I’m too busy asking “why, how, when??”
As much as I may think that my plans are best, they’re not. My perspective is limited and I only see what’s right in front of me. My plans are flawed. Thankfully God works in His own timing, and has a plan much higher than my own. Praise Him for that. I’m learning to continually surrender my desires and ambitions to His timing and plan. He is at work in the waiting and I don’t want to miss all that He has in the here and now.