Good morning, sweet girls! Even though I haven’t been around much in the blogging world lately, I want to share a little of my heart with you this morning. I want to be honest and vulnerable by sharing how I’ve been struggling lately. The last few days it’s been a battle to choose joy. Instead of speaking life, I’ve been speaking death. I’ve let discouragement creep in and turn my gaze away from Christ. Do you remember when I wrote about singleness & struggles at the beginning of the year? Well, in a way I’ve let that struggle return.
Yesterday evening I went out to run with the intention of pounding this discouragement into the ground. With my earphones in and the music turned up I took off running…30 minutes later I found a spot on the side of the river to cool down. I pulled my earphones out and just started to pray. There weren’t many people around and I sat there telling God my heart (although He already knew). There was no hiding that I was sad; that I had given into doubt and anxiousness. I wish I could say that I came home with a totally renewed heart, but I was still holding on to the discouragement. I pulled out my journal when I got home and flipped back to an entry written earlier this year that stopped me immediately. I wanted to share that with you:
Monday, February 4, 2013
“And You fulfill Your promises. When Abraham took issues into his own hands it all became skewed because of manipulation. Ishmael was born in an ordinary way and then division followed. BUT when Sarah and Abraham finally conceived it was the result of a promise. It was Your plan all along. You see the entire narrative and we only see how we are struggling and feeling inadequate in this moment. We only see the circumstances in the “right now,” but You see and know it all. When we see the impossibility of a promise “forgotten,” You see the fulfillment and value in the waiting season. Help me to cling to the promise instead of settling for the ordinary.”
I don’t have many more words to say other than I’m on a constant journey of learning to surrender. I only see what’s in front of me, but He sees the entire story. When doors are shut now it’s because He knows that there’s a far better door ahead that WILL be opened at just the right time. That’s something I’m daily learning.